Self Sabotage

Self Sabatoge

Subject: Just saying hi and venting a little
From: Lisa

Date: Thu, 1 Mar 2012 1:39 PM
To: Regina

Hi Regina,
How are you?  I miss our Thursday breakfasts.  Need to vent…about myself actually.

I’ve been working out like crazy, following the diet very strictly and surprise of surprises diet and exercise works for me.  Henri is happy.  People are saying I look better.  But…I heard two women talking at the gym yesterday, complaining about how difficult it is to lose weight and they looked at me like I could never understand and I suddenly felt like an outsider.   So what do I do?  Go home and eat four York Peppermint Patties and an entire pot of coffee with flavored creamer.  And a grilled cheese sandwich.  And popcorn. With butter.  I am the queen of self sabotage.

My trainer asked me what was up today since I kept getting light headed and I told him I didn’t eat breakfast so I could cut down my calories.  He lectured me about following the meal plan and being consistent.  He said I lost 3% body fat in three weeks and should be proud of myself.  I told him it feels like I’m never going to get my body back, I’m never going to have a flat stomach again.  He said I’m too hard on myself; I’ve held the extra weight for almost five years now and had 2 c-sections so it was insane for me to think that it would turn into a six-pack in one month.

He’s right, of course, but who ever said I was logical?  He told me to just trust him and follow the meal plan and eat more calories.  (I’ve been cutting the calories down to 1,400 a day instead of the 1,800 in the plan.)  So after the workout I took Henry to Spanish school and then went to Waterloo and ordered a ham and cheese omelet with hash browns (with salt) and buttered biscuits. I’m pretty sure that’s not what he meant by eating more calories.  What the hell is wrong with me?

Ok.  From this moment on I’m going back on the diet and I’m not going to even think about what other people think of me.  It’s ok to be healthy and losing weight doesn’t mean I lose friends, cause that’s just silly.  And I’m telling you this so I can hold myself accountable.  All right.  Thank you for letting me vent.

Hope you are doing well.

Lisa (c) 2012 Lisa Traugott.  All rights reserved.  No portion of this blog, including any text, photographs, and artwork, may be reproduced or copied without written permission.

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