February 28, 2012
The weight is just melting off me. I can’t believe how fast this is happening! It’s…too fast. I wasn’t expecting the results to come so quickly and even though my body is much happier my mind has been playing tricks on me.
Today is weigh in. I always wear black sweat pants and a large t-shirt for the training sessions, but today I’m wearing my Run Like A Girl shirt I got when I finished the Nike Marathon in 2006. That was the last time I was in shape.
Daniel is at the training center computer and smiles as I walk up. “Bet you haven’t worn that shirt in a while.” He gives me a high-five.
I feel embarrassed and I’m not sure why, so I make a joke. “Diet and exercise work. Who knew?”
“Everyone,” he says laughing.
I weigh 136 lbs. Even though this is 10 lbs. lighter than my first weigh in, I secretly know that I was 134 lbs. a few days ago, but I’ve been cheating on the diet. He takes my measures and says I’m right on target. But then he notices my face.
“Everything all right?” He looks perplexed.
“Yep. Well. I don’t know,” I stammer. I feel like I’m going to cry but I don’t. How do I tell him that even though I wanted to lose weight, now that I have I feel uncomfortable? People are complimenting me, which is great, but I’m not used to so much attention. I’ve been kind of invisible for a few years and now I’m not.
And what if I’m suddenly not as likeable to my friends? When I got in shape to move to LA some of my friends started saying mean things behind my back, just loud enough for me to overhear. I know they were actor friends and jealous that I was booking roles, but it really hurt and I never really dealt with it.
Well, that’s not true. I dealt with it by eating whenever I got really close to my goal weight. So I dealt with it; I just never resolved it.
“Lisa, you look amazing. Look how far you’ve come in only three weeks!” he says trying to cheer me up.
I can’t really focus. I just feel hungry…
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