Challenge #17 – Epic Fail

If you want to know my mental state all you have to do is look at my body.   When I’m in control of my life my body looks good; when I’ve lost my mind fat will find my stomach and ass.  (Never my breasts though…proving yet again that the Boobie Fairy is a little bitchy.)

Anyway, one of those times in my life where chaos ruled was 2002.

It was an unbelievably tough year for me.   I broke up with Henri on a plane ride from Italy to California (it was a long flight home,) I gave up my dream of ever becoming an actress to work at a “real” job, and my dad died.

During that five month span from hell I went from a size 3 to a size 9 because I figured I might not have a man, or a dream, or a dad, but by God I was going to have as much chocolate cake as I could possibly numb myself with.

But then things began to right themselves.  Unbeknownst to me, Henri had asked my dad for his blessing for us to get engaged and Henri was there for me in every way so I could grieve.  Back at work I kept getting promotions, prizes and raises, which helped me feel better about my career switch.  It was time to align my body with my mind.

I signed up for personal training sessions at my gym in LA, Bally Total Fitness.  The first session was the weigh in and measurement thing plus a general fitness test.  Talk about an epic fail!

My trainer, Pablo, told me to walk on the treadmill and he pressed some fitness test button.  The gym was packed.   I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Los Angeles before, but if you haven’t just close your eyes and picture the prettiest, sexiest, most in shape person you have ever met and then multiply it by 500 people and that’s what the gym looked liked.  There were lines of buff babes and ripped soap opera actors at every single piece of equipment.

And then there was out of shape me, on this treadmill, trying my best to go as fast as I could because I was going to show those pretty people I could keep up with them.  I could be just as skinny!  I hadn’t even eaten any breakfast in an effort to jump-start my calorie reduction.  So in your face pretty people!  I can keep up!  Only the treadmill kept moving faster and faster.  I turned to Pablo.  “I see black spots.”

“What does that mean?” he asked, wondering what the hell I was talking about.  “Well I always see black spots before I…”

Pass out.  Yeah.  I fainted on the treadmill in front of 500 super models

When I woke up I discovered the lovely staff at the gym had moved me to a distant corner of the room and a management type person handed me a clipboard with some release thingy to sign so I wouldn’t sue them and my reward for the signature was a cup of orange juice and supreme embarrassment.

But Pablo was cool.  He got me down to a reasonable size 6.  And (I’m just realizing this now as I’m typing it) this year was the first time in 10 years that I went on a treadmill.  Guess that epic fail left an impression, huh?  😉

Now you know mine – come on, fess up, what’s your epic fitness fail?

Lisa (c) 2012 Lisa Traugott.  All rights reserved.  No portion of this blog, including any text, photographs, and artwork, may be reproduced or copied without written permission.

13 responses to “Challenge #17 – Epic Fail

  1. This post is so great! I love your vivid writing and your snark makes me think we could be friends. As for my epic fitness fail, sadly, I think I am living it right now. I spent a year losing 50 pounds and getting fit and making good choices and now I am back where I was before the weight loss. Motivationless and flabby, I usually enjoy your blog posts while having a glass of wine of the couch.

  2. I confessed my ‘fail’: smoking for 6 years and eating like crap! I’m grateful no one was around when I attempted my first run after starting to try to get in shape again – I think barely made it a mile before wheezing and needing to stop to walk!

  3. I tried a trainer one at a gym. He pushed me too hard and made me hate him and the work out. He was completely unmotivating and made me feel like crap about myself. He yelled at me in front of everyone, and degratting and truly an @$$&0*#. He ruined it for me. He called me 100% out of shape and said such rude and mean things. I know that motivation works for some, but for me, I never stepped foot in that gym again. I need someone more inspiring and pro-me than someone who enjoys putting people down to get excited.

    • Wow – it sounds like he didn’t really like being a trainer! I really like Daniel as a trainer. He’s hardcore but never mean. He’s kind of like a really good coach; he calls me out when I’m full of shit, compliments my efforts when I’m trying, and delivers really good results.

      I hope that jerk hasn’t turned you off of trainers completely!


  4. So glad I found this. I feel inspired to get on the bandwagon and continue the journey of the fifty I lost last year…. I only had a few to go and I don’t know what happened. YOU make me realize we all feel the same inside!

  5. Pingback: Day #20 – Your Most Awkward Fitness Moment? | She's Losing It!·

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