Does this sound familiar to you?  You step on the scale and are horrified by the numbers on it.  Even your “fat” jeans are too tight.  You are disgusted with yourself and you call out, “I’M DONE WITH THIS!  I’M GOING ON A DIET AND THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT!”

And it is.  You drop the weight, eat healthy, go to the gym, fit into your “skinny” jeans again and have tons more sex with your significant other who is once again attracted to you.  People ask you for advice on how to lose weight and you tell them gladly, happy to share your successes.  And then…

Maybe you feel so good you celebrate with a small dessert (which you don’t even hardly eat) so it really doesn’t count.  Or maybe your new boss sucks and you’d love to quit but the economy sucks even worse so you stay in your dead end job and soon you’re sucking down Snickers bars with soda just to get through the 10 a.m. Tuesday meeting each week.  Perhaps your mom gets sick and in your distracted and worried state you notice your favorite comfort food suddenly appears in your pantry.   The gym membership seems so expensive when you could just work out at home, right?  And then…

It’s January 1 again and you’re at your old weight plus seven more pounds feeling like the biggest loser on the planet.  You scream at yourself, “It’s not brain surgery!  It’s diet and exercise, stupid!”  And so the yo-yo begins anew.

That’s how I felt after my first competition in June.  I was terrified of gaining it all back.  My trainer and I had set a course to take 10 months to build muscle and do the Texas Shredder in April, but I kept cheating on my diet, so I changed my goal to the November 3rd competition.

And now that’s almost here…

In a nutshell, I’m scared.  Yeah, I’m doing great now when I have intense fear motivating me to not face public humiliation standing on a stage with nothing on but a bikini in 12 days and can afford to outsource my will power to a personal trainer who will hound me to death to stick to my diet and exercise often and properly, no excuses.  But then what?

How do I stay healthy forever?  I don’t want to fail again, just like I never wanted to fail all those other times either.

But I did…

And then I found this picture:

I can do this.

Lisa (c) 2012 Lisa Traugott.  All rights reserved.  No portion of this blog, including any text, photographs, and artwork, may be reproduced or copied without written permission.


8 responses to “Nervous

  1. You can, you totally can. I know because of one thing. I did it. I got myself all whipped into shape so that I could do my black belt grading at karate. It came, I passed, then what? By then I knew I could do so many other things! I could play hockey at a higher level, I could lift more weight. I took almost 9 months after the grading for me to discover I could run and enjoy it (the enjoying it part too some extra time too).

    Once that mental block of my main goal and focus was achieved, I realized that along the way I had become capable of so many other things! That, and that eating healthy, and within reason and regular exercise were so much a part of what I am it has been easy to not become fat again. There is work that has to be done towards that end for sure, but I am programed in a different way now than I was three years ago.

  2. First let me say, Im just finding your blog and Im catching up on old posts. I love this article. You can definitely do this. Im on a journey myself. In 2010-2011 I lost 60lbs. Not only that, I helped hundreds others do the same with a weight loss spa that I opened. Fast forward to 2012. I gained it all back except for about 7lbs. Embarrassment has set in. I dont know how I let this happen. I thought that once it was lost, I had it under control. This time I vow to keep up the workout and the clean eating. I cant let this person come back again. Im with you! We can do this!

    • Hey Stephanie,
      I think anyone who has ever been overweight has that fear of gaining it back. It’s great that you are re-committing to a healthy lifestyle. I’ll be struggling right along with you!

      Lisa 🙂

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