It was May, just long enough for me to forget how bad Cheater’s Weekend made my body feel. But more importantly it was almost Mother’s Day and my 8th anniversary. I wanted to celebrate with food.
“Can I have another Cheater’s Weekend?” I asked Daniel before his next client came. (Today was Monday and my training day was Wednesday.)
Daniel looked up from the computer surprised by my question. “Not really. When did you want one?”
“May 15th. It’s my 8th anniversary. Also, I’d like to cheat on Mother’s Day so I can have pancakes. You know…Mother’s Day is the most important day of the year,” I smiled.
“I’m sorry, Lisa, but May 15th is too close to your competition for a cheater’s weekend. You can have a cheat meal today for dinner if you’d like,” he offered.
“Never mind,” I grumbled. I don’t want a cheat dinner today, I want my cheat meals when I want them. This bodybuilding diet thing is seriously getting on my nerves. Egg whites. Spinach. 3 oz. ground turkey. 1/4 cup brown rice. Fish. Repeat every f#@$ day.
“How was your weekend?” he asked.
“Fine. How was the wedding?” It was his brother’s wife’s sister’s friend’s wedding, or something sufficiently complex, and it was in Louisiana.
“Yeah, I can tell, ’cause you look kinda fat, Daniel.” (I’m nothing if not passive aggressive.)
His eyes opened wide, kind of in shock, and then he chuckled. “Thanks.”
Wednesday, May 2, 2012: Training Day
After completing my 30 minutes of cardio on the bike plus 10 minutes of stretching in the sauna I was at the check in desk. Daniel had already dropped whatever weight he had gained over the weekend and his face looked normal again. Further evidence that God is a man. If I pigged out during a wedding I would be wearing it for at least half a year.
“It’s leg day,” he smiled.
We moved to the TRX cables. I had to hold my arms up over my head holding the cables as I did piston squats. We were making Karate Kid jokes and laughing. I stopped laughing soon after.
He pulled out a 24″ box. “Jump on this, three sets of 15.”
“What?” It looked really high to me.
“Get out of your head and just jump on it.” I did, but it scared the living shit out of me.
Then it was leg extensions – 75 lbs. 15 reps, then 5 really slow. My legs were on fire and as I rubbed my thighs he brought that damn box back over.
“Power steps. 15 each side.”
My shirt was soaked with sweat and he just kept going. Leg curls, walking lunges with a 10 lb. weight over my head, hack squat dead lift, alternating legs jumps, squats with 70lb bar and on and on and on! I thought I might die.
“I will never call you fat again, Daniel.”
He laughed. “I forgot you even said that.”
You mean you’re this sadistic naturally????
“Well, we’re done here,” he said scribbling something on his clipboard, “but you still have 50 minutes of cardio. It’s sprint day, isn’t it? Wow, it really sucks to be you right now! See you Friday!”
And the moral of the story is: Do not disrespect your trainer before leg day.
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