I’m not one to toot my own horn, but when you state your fitness goals aloud and not one but two personal trainers use the word “miracle” in response, well that’s pretty special. With Daniel it was, “Hey, Daniel, I’d like to perform an Operation Ass Lift before my next competition,” and his response was (this is an actual quote here) “I’m not a miracle worker.”
Yesterday I told Mel, “I would like to do the Texas Shredder in April in the figure division and aim for 5th place,” and her response was, “Well sometimes miracles do happen, but let’s aim for the Adela in June.”
In situations like these I find that eating the frosting directly out of the cup with a plastic spoon works best (that way you don’t have to clean the spoon, you just toss it when you’re done.) And it’s totally ok to eat frosting now because I won’t be standing on stage in a bikini for at least six months. Secretly this terrifies me and here’s why.
Two weeks before my first competition someone (and just for the sake of argument let’s say that that “someone” lives in a swamp in Florida) said, “I’ll bet she gains all the weight back after her reunion.” And a little piece of me believed her.
Why did she say this? I don’t know. Maybe she was having a bad day and she viewed my exercise success as her own exercise failure. Or maybe she knew me for a while, had watched me yo-yo diet through the years, and thought me gaining weight was a sure thing to bet on and gain some Christmas money. Or maybe she’s just a grumpy old troll who asks men three riddles before they cross over the bridge and into her vagina. I don’t know.
But here’s the thing – I really need to not listen to her. Who cares what she thinks?
Mel must have seen the panic in my eyes when she told me to aim for June and not April. “The judges are going to want to see improvements, not the same package in a different bikini. You make your gains in the off season. I have to see how your muscles respond. I have to see how your body reacts to the new diet. I know you’re a hard worker, but there’s no point in doing competitions all year when you’re not ready.”
Mel’s right: I’m not ready yet. Troll is wrong: I’m not going to gain back all the weight I carried before my first competition.
And I do believe that miracles can happen. Probably not by April, but over time I can work at improving my physique; after all that’s what bodybuilding is all about. And over time I’ll improve other parts of myself that need a little work too (like caring what everyone thinks and turning to frosting in moments of stress); after all you’re more than just your body parts.
Trolls of the world, listen up: Don’t bet against me. You’ll lose. In the words of Muhammad Ali, “If you even dream of beating me you better wake up and APOLOGIZE.”
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