And now it’s time for another episode of Dumb S*** I Said to my Trainer (DSST)… This is a flash back episode to last February, when I first started The Bikini Diet my trainer, Daniel, made for me.
February, 2012, 10 p.m.
My husband, Henri, is sitting on the couch watching TV and eating a bag of wavy potato chips with garlic cream cheese dip and a rum and Coke cocktail.
I sit next to him with a stack of food including: 4 oz. tilapia fish, 1 cup blueberries, cucumber slices and some re-heated quinoa.
“What the hell is that?” Henri asks grimacing at the odd assortment.
“Well, I’m not used to eating six times a day and there’s so much food I can’t eat it all, so I’m eating it now.”
“I think you’re doing it wrong,” he says, biting an extra crunchy wavy potato chip with extra creamy cream cheese dip that makes me annoyed just looking at it, not because potato chips are annoying, but because it’s annoying Henri can eat whatever he wants without gaining weight because life is unfair.
“It’s on the meal plan and I’m eating it or Daniel will call me out for not following the stupid meal plan.”
“Whatever.” Henri drinks his cocktail. I look at my fish, blueberries, cucumbers and quinoa and want to cry. But mostly I just want to eat chips.
The next day it’s 6 a.m. and Daniel is at the trainer desk. He’s looking at my online food journal. I hate that thing. I punch in my code.
“So, what did you eat last night?” He looks perplexed.
“I didn’t get a chance to finish everything on the meal plan, so I had to eat it at the end of the day,” I explained very proud of my culinary accomplishment.
“That’s….no. No. You need to eat the food in the order I gave it to you. If you miss a meal, you miss it. Don’t try to make up for it at the end of the day. I told you about macronutrients, right?”
Oh no. He’s talking food vocabulary again. My mind wanders as he talks about protein, carbohydrates and fat percentages. I just thought I had to eat everything on the list. I didn’t know there would be a time constraint on it. Dammit. I hate it when my husband’s right! Why does this food thing have to be so complicated? Did I bring my workout gloves today? Oh no, I hope I didn’t leave them at –
“Right?” He looks at me awaiting a response. I blink.
“Uh huh.” I don’t even know what I just agreed to.
“You didn’t follow any of that did you?” he smirks.
“Not a single word.”
“Just follow the meal plan. If you miss something you miss it and move on. Let’s go to the leg press.”
When does the food thing get easier???
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