This post was completely and utterly inspired by Peonut. Her blog is a riot.
Thanksgiving, 2012 – The Break-Up
Oh you think you’re too good for me now that you’ve done two bodybuilding shows? Fine. Leave. Go to Metroflex. Yeah, I know about Metroflex. And I’m not even going to apologize about those other things.
Was talking to some friends of yours. What’s that? Hardcore Metroflex too cold for you? I know you’ll be back. An’ even if you’re not, LOTS of new women are interested in me. Amazing how things like showers and heat can attract people. Oh, and P.S. – cookies made with quinoa are still cookies. Merry Christmas.
January 1, 2013
I don’t even miss you. I’m mobbed with women.
January 2, 2013
Um…it didn’t work out with the other women. They said they were too busy.
January 17, 2013
I heard from some people that the sugar detox diet is working for you. That’s cool…I miss you.
February 2, 2013
- 6:07 a.m. Happy birthday! Just sayin’ hi
- 6:11 a.m. Maybe I was a little harsh, telling you to put a towel on. (Read: Hey, Put a Towel on Lady!) I just, I don’t know…people were looking at you.
- 6:14 a.m. I’m sorry a’ight?
February 7, 2013
Do you remember last year when we just started seeing each other? And you didn’t even know what a bodybuilding competition was? Those were good times, huh? (Read: So You Want to do a Competition)
February 14, 2013
- 2:03 p.m. OK, maybe I crossed the line when I accused you of being a personal trainer in November and made you stop working out with your friend, but can’t you just take it as a compliment? I mean, I thought you were a personal trainer!
- 2:17 p.m. Yeah, I know I said nothing to the other guy who looked like he could be on the cover of Muscle & Fitness who was clearly training three out-of-shape people, but to say my policies are as arbitrary and capricious as Bloomberg’s ban on soda, well that’s pretty cold. Can’t we move past this? Can’t we be friends?
- 2:18 p.m. Oh you’re going to unfriend me from Facebook now!?! Yeah, well, I knew you when you were fat!
February 21, 2013
Sorry. Crossed the line. You’re really not coming back?
February, 22, 2013
You can work out with other people… Just make sure you jump in and do sets with them.
March 4, 2013
I fixed the shower door that was broken since May. I knew that bugged you. (Read: Pet Peeves.)
March 29, 2013
Saw you the other day at Target. That booty camp is really working for you 😉 And, um, you were right. You don’t have to pay $9 per day per kid for Kids Club. It was included with your membership. My bad…Did I tell you about the new Body Combat classes?
March 31, 2013
I guess this split is for real. Well…Metroflex is really lucky to have you.
April 3, 2013
PLEASE COME BACK!!! I miss you! The sauna misses you! The Gym Rats miss you! I miss you doing your crazy ass walking lunges! I know you’re probably never going to lift weights here anymore, but can’t you at least do cardio? PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!!!
Message from Lisa: Oh 24 Hour Fitness…you had me at sauna.
Did you ever have a break up with your gym?
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