Some surprises are good. Like surprise birthday parties. Or refund checks you forgot were coming in the mail. Other surprises are not good. Like when your trainer sends you a text at 4:50 a.m. that says, “Surprise! It’s leg day! Make sure to warm up.” That is a very, very bad surprise. (In fairness, she wrote, “Warning! It’s leg day!” and not “Surprise! It’s leg day,” but it was still unexpected and let’s not get caught up on the semantics of word selection right now.)
Then I got to thinking that not everyone can relate to what it means to have a surprise leg day workout, so I have prepared a list of other bad surprises.
- Opening your quarterly statement to discover the value of your 401k dropped 50%.
- The teacher gives you a pop quiz on those last three chapters you haven’t read yet.
- Leaving the pet store thinking you bought a cat only to discover once home you’ve actually purchased a cheetah. I realize this is unlikely, but I think we can all agree this would be a bad surprise.
- Going for an annual check up and hearing the doctor say, “Surprise! We’re doing a colonoscopy today!” I’ll bet even if he or she said “Warning! We’re doing a colonoscopy today!” you’d still be startled just the same.
- Stepping on the scale and discovering you lost 1 pound. At first you’d think, “What a great surprise! Who knew that hypothetically cheating on my diet with a banana nut muffin could be such an effective weight loss technique?’ only to discover that Surprise! Your son had been messing with the scale calibration so you really didn’t lose 1 pound, you actually gained 3. (*Note: No actual banana nut muffins were eaten for this post. It was just a hypothetical muffin if you’re my trainer reading this.)
But what if my trainer reads this and begins to thing that the hypothetical banana nut muffin isn’t really a hypothetical banana nut muffin, but a real real muffin? Who knows what kind of bombshell sadomasochistic penalty workout she might create in response? I mean we’ve already clearly established that her surprise workouts are not good surprises.
OK, I’m getting off track here. My point is schedule your colonoscopy in advance and I did not eat a muffin.
Have you ever had a bad surprise?
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